Safety? Over-rated!

[volksdragon]

If I always hewed to the safe choice, I'd have a pretty boring life. This is not to say I wouldn't like to live a long life. Indeed, I'd be quite sad in some ways if I didn't get to see any prospective grand-children I might have coming my way in 40 years or so. But I'd be similarly sad if I led a quiet meek life, and left my daughter with no interesting stories of the things I did, and nothing to tell her children about their grandfather. One of the best qualities I think I can give to Widget is my ability to look at things without being cowed by their scarier sides.

This past weekend, I spent some time at 55mph on a Jetski on a lake, and not an entirely calm one too. There were moments on mild fear, but it didn't stop me from trying it again and again that afternoon, as I knew the fun that came from it would be exhilirating. I snowboard down hills I don't honestly know if I'm capable of making it down, because I know that the thrill of making it down will make me entirely forget the seconds of "heart-in-my-throat" peering over the lip from the top. I race cars because the excitement for me outweighs what I consider the reasonable risk. To me, if I always took the safe way out, didn't risk much, I'd be lying to myself and to what I think is my human nature. Humanity is made to adapt and explore new things. There's something latently waiting inside each person to make an amazing leap of some kind or another, but in some people, it's supressed somehow, through upbringing or parental reinforcement to "for god's sake, be careful!" It's hard to let your kid just run out there and throw themselves into something, even for me, and I try to step back from time to time and, supervised, let Widget just try stuff out and see what happens. I don't want her to ever be scared of trying something just because it's dangerous and dangerous things are to be avoided. I want her to have the mental freedom to approach danger as another risk factor to consider in the equation of whether or not to do something, not an automatic disqualification.


http://www.shelleconomistprize.com/essays/Milksop_Nation_Jack_Gordon.pdf

Comments

[uma-bella.livejournal.com]

Interesting perspective, thanks for sharing. It's different than mine, but very thought provoking. Does your wife share the same point of view?

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

I don't think she entirely does, no. She's not nearly the thrill-seeker that I am, although I wouldn't say she's entirely "safe" either.

[uma-bella.livejournal.com]

I use to be a thrill seeker, but having kids and having a strong desire to see them raised, mellowed me. I traded sky-diving and rock climbing for hiking and biking. I have to say though that I don't stand in my kids way when they want to do things that involves risk.

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

I don't feel like I'd be being fair to myself or my kid by stopping the activities that have made me myself when Widget arrived. I want her to know you can have children and a life, and have fun when you're older. Personal decision, though. :)

[enochs-fable.livejournal.com]

You're re-kindling my desire to try to get back into rock-climbing!

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

When Widget and I went to Lookout Farm for apple picking, the kid's playgound had this awesome looking Klein-strip-kinda structure with rubber "rock" hand and footholds all over it, a "climbing playstructure". I, of course, had to show Hannah how I could climb all over it. :)

[enochs-fable.livejournal.com]

Neat!

[siercia]

How interesting that you should ask that.

I generally do agree with what he's saying (and I certainly agree with everything in the article he linked to). For myself, though, I am much less of a thrill seeker than Wiley - I don't find that kind of adrenaline rush to be very much fun, and see no reason to throw myself out of a perfectly good airplane. For the most part I have little problem with Wiley doing these things, although we've disagreed on a few things that are way off my meter in terms of his taking risks (riding a motorcycle in Boston being one of those), but for the most part, I trust his assessment of the risks of the things he does, and I trust his judgement, even when it makes me nervous.

We also fight because he has a protective streak that drives me absolutely batshit - where he seems to think that he can decide whether something is safe enough for me to be doing, and telling me what to do based on his assessment. Interesting, eh?

[uma-bella.livejournal.com]

First of all, "batshit" is one of my most favorite words in the world and I have to thank you for using it!

So Wiley has a double standard for you??? I thought his perspective was really interesting. I thought that perhaps mothers get more cautious than Fathers....maybe, maybe not. I have a close friend that is into extreme sports and becoming a Father hasn't hampered his habits. I have another female friend that was completely into sky diving and dangerous sports, now that she is a Mom she wouldn't do anything that would be considered dangerous.

I think for me it is several things. One, I just don't enjoy those activities anymore, my tastes and interests have changed, shifted and evolved. I also don't have a whole lot of trust in my children's father (ex-husband) to raise the children in an environment I feel they deserve.....that makes my safety and survival all the more important.

[siercia]

I don't think it's a conscious double standard, in all honesty - I think he gets so caught up in protecting me that he just doesn't get it. If I said I wanted to jump out of a plane, he'd be fine with that (because to him, the cost/benefit of skydiving is acceptable), but he's not fine with other things, even when he perceives them as either safe or worth it for himself. While I often have second thoughts about many of the things he wants to do, I make a conscious effort to let him make those choices for himself. As far as doing or not doing dangerous things - like the article said, life itself in inherently dangerous, and so many of those things are totally outside of our control that to some degree, I just can't worry about it. People die doing ordinary things every day, and thousands of people engage in "dangerous" hobbies without causing themselves harm every day. As long as you follow basic common sense safety rules, there's no reason you shouldn't engage in the more thrilling hobbies, if that's what floats your boat.

I've never been much of a thrill seeker, and as I get older, I am less and less of one. I think some of it has to do with being a mom, but I think it's more just my nature. As far as doing or not doing dangerous things - like the article said, life itself in inherently dangerous, and so many of those things are totally outside of our control that to some degree, I just can't worry about it.

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's a conscious double standard, in all honesty - I think he gets so caught up in protecting me that he just doesn't get it.

It's an evolutionary vestige. If I can't protect my mate, what kinda MAN am I? :)