Forceful or confident?

[volksdragon]

I just (mostly) jokingly promised someone that I wouldn't do anything to plan our yearly ski trip, and she seemed genuinely happy to hear that.

I feel that I have a lot of ski-place knowledge, more than some of the other trip members, and am doing a service by guiding them to suitable and fun locations for the entire group. We've had some "discussions" about that on previous trips.

Am I took forceful in trying to steer these trips somewhere that's more likely to be exciting/fun/etc, or am I just forcing people out of their comfort zones for the satisfaction of my own goals?


[Some of the people involved are on this journal. That's fine. I'm interested in seeing what you have to say as well. And I reserve the right, if we end up skiing somewhere SUCKY, to say I TOLD YOU SO. :)]

Comments

[goldispikes.livejournal.com]

Well, dude, I face this too. My solution has been to step back and say "I have some knowledge if you want it." Then, if the trip they plan isn't to my liking, I skip it.

On the other hand, note that I've been going places alone lately. ;)

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

See, if I do that, there's a big deal about not doing things as a group. Granted, I DO go on this trip to do things with a group, but if what the "group" is going to do isn't optimal, and we could be doing something better....

I gave the "I'll go do my own thing" plan a thought, but that's a little like "taking my own toys and going home" mentality for me, which I think isn't too cool in this situation, since I go up there for the company as well.

I'll sit out planning this next one, and see what happens. :)

[siercia]

I think it depends on what you want to get out of the trip. Do you want a day of skiing with your friends, hanging out etc., or do you want a day of adventuresome skiing? If you want the first, then you should probably make sure you're taking the needs of the whole group into account, not just yourself or the more skilled skiers among the group. Often to do a group thing, you need to accept that you're not going to get your first choice, and let any crankiness about that go.

They know you have the knowledge, but perhaps you should sit back this time and give input when asked, let someone else drive.

You do tend to be pretty forceful in your opinions, and you do have a way of driving things.

[enochs-fable.livejournal.com]

She's got a point!

I have no idea of the dynamics of your trip planning, but unfortunately if the average skill-level/desire-to-push-envelope of the group is lower than yours, majority rules. Heck, propose two places and take a vote of those coming.

On the other hand, if it's the sort of lamentable situation where if you don't plan it, no one will, there's nothing wrong with saying, "Well, I'm sending out an all-call to go ski at Orodruin because snowboarding on hot lava ROCKS!" If people really don't care for it, they can plan their own group trip.

And unfortunately, if the trip does end up being somewhere sub-optimal, you actually do have to let it go and not make with the "I told you" -- trusting that the suckage will be apparent to all, without the gloating. Nothing spoils a group trip faster than the one guy who's all, "I TOLD you we should have done WHAT I WANTED."

[siercia]

if the trip does end up being somewhere sub-optimal, you actually do have to let it go and not make with the "I told you" -- trusting that the suckage will be apparent to all, without the gloating. Nothing spoils a group trip faster than the one guy who's all, "I TOLD you we should have done WHAT I WANTED."

Amen. That's absolutely no fun at all.

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. I won't actually do that. I'm pretty good about not doing that. I think.

[hoo.livejournal.com]

My gripes from this last year had a whole lot to do with feeling pressure from my night classes, a moderate amount of anxiety to do with being out of shape and not having skiied in ages, and only a very small amount to do with anything you did.

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

I appreciate you telling me this. Your griping was not the most vocal nor the most pointed. Still, thanks for letting me know.

[biophile6.livejournal.com]

Ski Bradford!

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

Don't make me hurt you, Doctor. :)

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

This happens to me all the time, and I don't have a clue. In my personal life, it seems that most people have a preference for standing around with digits stuck up various orifices, and get all pouty when I actually say "let's move in THIS direction now!"

*shrug* Perhaps the best/only thing you can do is re-define your expectations to match the situation, and try to enjoy it for what it is, and not think about what it could or should have been.